Is your first priority your partner, now you have children?

[Giggles]

I always thought it was a given in stepfamilies that "children come first". I think a lot of stepparents have heard that line from bioparents!

I have to say my kids are my biggest priority, but like other have said they take priority over different things and depending on what it is for occasionally DH might be my main priority. But definately my kids rank quite high on my priorities scale.

[soul]

DH and I don't have children together, but we have two each from our first marriages. Our kids, are our top priority. However, our relationship, is also our top priority.

Does that make sense?

Like some have said, different situations require different priorities. But ultimately, we are all happy together. If DH and I neglect each other and our relationship, there will be no "us". Therefore, the kids will lose their family.

So we really have to be a top priority along with the kids.

[Euro]

Hmm dh and I don't have kids together yet. Bm always complains that I am his top priority and not the skids. Well dh said to me all the time: u and the kids are my world and top priority. If we have kids together it's going to be u, my kids and our kids. Even though he doesn't treat me that way sometimes I tend to belive him. The biggest sign for me was he was giving his year Xmas to bm to attend my fathers 50th bday in Europe. So he lost one year Xmas with his children. We will have them this year bm agreed. But not next year also.

[ism]

Certain thing require kids to be first priority i put my skids above DP with alot of things when he comes home from work he wants me to sit and talk and be with him rather than running around for baths, dinner and bedtimes he actually asked me to cook their dinner in the afternoon so i can reheat it than we will have more time. or he tries to say bath cant wait 1/2 hour so they can play but thats crap they have been plaing all day they dont need more he just wants attention. So 7:30 all kids are in bed then im all his, he gets it now and leaves me to it until 7:30. Kids are never put before him and he never puts the kids before me on our time, We both go to work to earnt eh money so we dont have to struggle because we are happier then and then the children are happier so we earn money for each other rather then the kids. Kids are not allowed to interrupt if we are having a cuddle or talking however i have to say im the one who breaks that rule not Dp. He adores his kids but he feels the same about me and when it comes down to it if im not happy neither are the kids because i have them the most amount of time. So with him im his priority i have two priorities the kids for some thing and him for others.

[Sitamoia]

Children's needs come first but their wants will come in second place to our needs as parents and partners. If our relationship wasn't strong and happy then our children would not be either even if their basic needs were met.

[Angelwinks23]

My first and foremost relationship is that with my husband he will be with me til death do us part.
My children come a very close second but as I teach them they will grow into their own independant selves and my husband and I will still have each other.

[Snow White]

I am numero uno!

OK in all seriousness, MoTH came into our relationship KNOWING he'd not be MY number 1. BD was, always has been, is and always WILL be my number 1...

I'd just like to say that he jokes he's "fifth" at the moment...behind BD, Pee Dawgy, myself & our fish! LOL

[j_lil_bat]

For me , dh and the kids are equal first ; followed by my family , dh's family , friends .

Im somewhere in the top 10 i think .

[His*Mine*Ours]

When my husband and I were talking about marriage we discussed priorities as we wanted to make sure we were on the same page and that the whole step family thing would work.

We both said that we are each others top priority and the kids come second. That is not to say that we ignore their needs over our own. It means that once dad comes home from work, we want to spend time together. We still go on dates once a month.

No issue with the children or 'other parents' comes between us. We back each other up in parenting and also in how to deal with 'other parents'.

As a step family the only issues we have had has been with other parents. The kids get along fine and love both of us.

[breaktime]

I am in a different boat altogether now as I have adult children. My Dh is #1 in my life. My adult children have their own #1's now.

DH is 55, I am 47 and now our life is ours to do as we wish. YEs I am there for my children and grandchildren if they need me - which is alot of the time - BUT if DH and I have a weekend planned away with the caravan etc we dont change or plans for hte kids/grandkids. They always have 6 weeks notice of when we are oging away so they have to arrange things to compensate for that.

The kids know that Saturday and Sunday mornings are our garage sale (buying) markets (selling) days. It is granddaughters bday party this Saturday but DD knew to make the party later in the morning. The kids dont mind this at all as they know that if we dont sell at the markets they dont get the "extras" from us.

So yes DH is # 1 but our kids are adults.