What term to you prefer Stepfamily or Blended Family

[Maverick27]

Originally Posted by SP

He is the only 'step' part of the family as far as I am concerned (as stepmother to him).

It's interesting the different slants people can have on step families, and who consitutes the "step".

Rather than viewing myself as the "step" in the family, I too tend to take the perception that the 'steps' are the skids, they are the addition to our family, rather than me being the addition to theirs.

[Nelle]

I don't think we are anything. We just ARE! I use stepfamily to others but mostly it's just us and DH's kids. May have to rethink that once baby is here though.

[SP]

Originally Posted by Maverick27

It's interesting the different slants people can have on step families, and who consitutes the "step".

Rather than viewing myself as the "step" in the family, I too tend to take the perception that the 'steps' are the skids, they are the addition to our family, rather than me being the addition to theirs.

No, I agree, that is the way I feel too, that in my family SS is the step element.

I acknowledge though, to SS, I am one of the 'step' elements, along with his SF, in whatever way he reconciles what family means to him.

[Sitamoia]

Step for me implies that someone doesn't belong to the normal part of the family

And sometimes someone doesn't - be it because they are there so rarely they have no idea how the family functions etc when they aren't there or because their actions/behaviour is designed to separate out their bio-family member (eg their mum/dad/child) while leaving the others out.

To me the 'normal' part of thr family is the one that spends the majority of the time (and I mean a significant majority - sd is one night a fortnight), the one that is usually on the same page and that has a functioning routine. The step part comes in when the visiting person changes that in ways that do highlight them as not fitting in with the family's regular structure/way of doing things.

This is the reason why we are a step-family and not blended.

[Maverick27]

Originally Posted by Sitamoia

The step part comes in when the visiting person changes that in ways that do highlight them as not fitting in with the family's regular structure/way of doing things.

For sure.

[Giggles]

This is an interesting discussion. Thought you might like to know how "step" family came about:

The prefix “Step” is derived from the Old English steop. The word steopchild or stepchild literally meant orphan and the prefix of steop meant bereave. The sense is that an orphan is bereaving his lost parent(s).
Before 800, stepfather/stepmother meant "one who becomes a father/mother to an orphan", and stepson/stepdaughter meant "an orphan who becomes a son/daughter by the remarriage of a parent".

www.takeourword.com

The definitions used by the AIF are:

Blended family*: A couple family containing two or more children, of whom at least one is the natural child of both members of the couple, and at least one is the stepchild of either member of the couple.
Step family*: A couple family containing one or more children, at least one of whom is the stepchild of either member of the couple and none of whom is the natural or foster child of both members of the couple.

http://www.aifs.gov.au/

I prefer this definition by SAVI:

SAVI considers a useful definition of stepfamily to be inclusive, making no distinction about gender, residence or amount of contact with children, and focusing on its unique structure. SAVI defines a stepfamily as a family of two adults in a formal or informal marriage where at least one of the adults has children from a previous relationship. There may be children from the current union. Children may live-in full-time or part-time or may not currently have contact. This definition does not distinguish between dependent and independent children.

http://aifs.gov.au/afrc/pubs/briefing/briefing6.html

I prefer "stepfamily" as it is widely recognised, people all know what it means and I really wish that the wider community and media would pick one terminology and stick with as it is very confusing have many names to describe one thing. I also feel that stepfamilies are still born of loss, even through divorce and separation which makes the word "stepfamily" still somewhat true to it's original meaning.

[jewels]

I prefer blended family. When growing up I referred to my family as a step family. I also referred to my step situation in my first marriage as a step family. Both have negative conotations for me. So for no really good reason other than "step family" has always been a negative for me I use blended family when referring to my situation now.

[Miss007]

It is an interesting discussion!

I also feel that stepfamilies are still born of loss, even through divorce and separation which makes the word "stepfamily" still somewhat true to it's original meaning.

I'm not a fan of this (sorry Giggles!) and you hear it all the time which erks me. I would hate for my daughter to grow up thinking this. To me her family was born of love and all the good stuff. There was no loss for BD and i and we are part of this family too. DH dosnt see it as a loss but a gain (or so he says!) The skids will but there are 3 members of this family whos family was born out of love not loss. I dont want BD to hear this - its instant victim material and very untrue in my eyes.

[selfish]

I prefer Stepfamily because it does sound separate. The last thing I want to do is feel blended with BM and her lot.

[Maverick27]

Well ... I reckon a stepfamily does develop from loss, the skids' family dynamics are certainly a result of loss and separation.

But without a doubt, "our" family was formed with love and care.

So ... I reckon in any split situation, it's a combination of both. I doubt the skids would say they felt part of a larger, loving and caring family and I'm sure they'd initially be thinking about the loss of their father and not living with him full time, rather than the gaining of stepparents.

I don't think this will have a negative impact on our kids ... because the loss side of it is the skids' issue, and not applicable to our kids.

I agree with you 007 that it's a victim mentality, but disagree that it's untrue ... from the skids perspective, I can't think how you could see the divorce of your parents as anything but a loss.

I also don't think it will affect your bd. I also can't really see how a child in the 'new' relationship could or would take on and apply the skids' "loss" to their own inception into the family, particularly if they're growing up in a loving household.