Why do step kids hate their stepparents

[John]

This was a recent search query.

I wonder, do stepchildren really hate their stepparents?

What do you think?

[AnotherDay]

I know one of my SKIDS hates me... resents me unbelievably - no worries SS17, it's mutual.

The other two probably don't like me either - it doesn't help that their BM is a character assassin!

[Snow White]

I would GUESS it's because they see the step parent as part of the PROBLEM...part of WHY they're not living "happily ever after"

[Katie]

maybe "resent" is a better word than "hate"

SS14 has always resented me (i feel) for taking DHs focus off him. before DH met me, he was 100% the number one focus (despite there being 4 other kids), when i came along, he had to share DHs time with me and he resented that

SD17 says she hates me, i think again it is resentment - this time because she can't manipulate me the way she does DH, and she can't manipulate DH as easily if i am around. he is blinded by memories of her as a sweet little baby. i have only ever known a nasty young woman so those crocodile tears don't work on me

in general, i think stepparents make a really handy target - its far easier to blame the s/parent for whatever is wrong in their lives (including that their parents are divorced, even if the s/parent didn't come along until years later) rather than accept the flaws in their own parents and also accept that they have a responsibility for their own behaviour, especially once they reach their teens

[Sitamoia]

I would have to agree Katie - I think resent is a better word. sd certainly resented me because DH knew that if he was going to maintain any relationship he needed to make sure he could give a weekend to his partner. sd resented someone else getting his attention, resented (I think) someone else having more of his life than she did.

As to whether she hated me - probably at times she did, particularly when things weren't going the way she wanted them to.

[tex1]

I think skids do hate/resent their stepparent in most circumstances. I don't like that this is the way it is but you don't have to look very far on this site to realise the hatred/resentment stepparents are having to deal with.

My skids were 2-4yo when I met DH. bm had had numerous affairs during the short marriage when DH finally left. bm continues to say that if he loved his kids he would have never left! Anyway, bm poisoned the skids against me from Day 1. Of course the skids would believe what their mother told them... shouldn't every child be able to trust their own mother??? She told so many lies to them.... but the thing is I have a great relationship with the skids despite her efforts. They used to whisper 'Don't tell mum I love you'. It still brings a tear to my eye. I have noticed SS9 is treating me a little differently recently - not all the time, just when he feels like taking his bad moods out on someone - it is always me!

I think the skids resent me sometimes when the poison bm dishes is up happens immediately before arriving here.

[StrugglingHard]

I would say some kids may hate the step parent as we don't wear rose coloured glasses when it comes to them & their behaviour & realise we can see through it & they can't get away with trying to manipulating DH. But at the same time SKIDS may feel torn by feelings from BM ...my SD9 told me she loves so very much & more than her mum but would never tell BM she loves me at all as BM would get very angry, BM questions her & says to her.. you don't like SM (me)- do you.. what can a child do

[Silver]

Because they are always depicted as evil in fairytales!!!!

My skids don't hate me.... yet. They tell me they love me all the time at the moment and are really sweet and innocent (4 and 6... I've been in their lives 2.5 years). However, I've read enough posts now to know that this could change at any moment! Mind you that happens with birth kids as well....

Lately, SD6 has been saying some things that lead me to believe that BM has been a negative about me. This wouldn't be surprising as she recently found out I'm pregnant....

[Lovingstepmum]

or could also be because some SPs are better than their own BIOS... so they hate the SPs because they would really love their own BIOS to be like SPs

[Finallyamummy]

Originally Posted by John

This was a recent search query.

I wonder, do stepchildren really hate their stepparents?

What do you think?

if the other parent does....

If BM hates SM then the children will hate SM

If BF hates SF then the children will hate SF