Adult Step Children

[Finallyamummy]

How many of you are/were step children?

I was and I think it was good experience and continues today to be a good experience. It is maybe the reason I didn't run a mile when I met DH with two children and have not put my own children in this position.

[Star]

Me. I had an awful stepmother, so at least I knew how NOT to behave.

[AnotherDay]

Originally Posted by Star

Me. I had an awful stepmother, so at least I knew how NOT to behave.

A question in general: WHAT MAKES A STEPMOTHER AWFUL / WICKED?

[caesia]

I don't mind my stepmother now , my brother on the other hand despised her I think because my mother did and at my dads engagement party he put laxatives in her bottle of wine!
Her and her friend both drunk the bottle and another child at the party found out and told her , she was so mad she threatened to call the police.

I guess as adults you dont have very much to do with your step parents they cant try and parent you or control you.
Its a different relationship.

[Anirtak]

I've had a stepmother since I was about 4. She's fantastic!

Was always doing things for us and never had too many harsh words to say, even in light of the relentless pounding she copped from my mother.

My mother was queen of Parental Alienation and did everything from consistantly running my father down, verbally abusing my father and stepmother in front of us, to taking off every time he found us.

I love my mother, always will, but having gone through this with DH now, it's opened my eyes to what my father and stepmother went through.

My stepmother could not have children of her own, sadly. She would have made a great mother.

[MissSunshine]

Originally Posted by AnotherDay

A question in general: WHAT MAKES A STEPMOTHER AWFUL / WICKED?

My stepmother is pretty bad. I was 15 when they got together and these are some of the reasons I don't really like her...

- when I was 16 and would go to visit, if I didn't eat all the time she would say "I wasn't born in the last shower, I know you are trying to loose wait". I was quite nervous and wouldn't eat because of that, I've never had a problem with my weight.

- when my parents married my mother had 3 children already and before I was even thought of, my brother was kidnapped by his father and taken back to Greece. Mum and Dad spent a lot of time and money trying to get him back. SM has thrown this in my face so many times over the years - saying that's why my Dad had no money when she met him (mind you that was over 15 years later) and that my Mum "shouldn't have married the stupid Greek in the first place" (father of my sisters and brother).

- more recently, DH and I were staying with them and at dinner there was a discussion about religion. She is very close minded and "Jesus is the only way". DH and I are open minded and although I stayed quiet, DH tried to explain this. It ended up with SM yelling at DH and telling him that he was not welcome in her house. She then came into our room (in a sheer nightie and dressing gown) and told us how hard it is being married to my father etc... If only she knew what it was like to have 4 skids who are very different to the polite, shy and nervous (only) step child I was. Also, my Mum was SO different to BM.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. You just asked why and I couldn't really describle it in a few words!

[jewels]

I wouldn't say that my sf is my bestie or anything but I definatley have a lot of respect for him now for taking on my mum and 3 damaged children/teens. I do get along with him now and he is a great grandfather to my kids.

We didn't have a great upbringing and took a lot of our pent up feelings for our dad out on our sf. He didn't take it well and my sister and I were asked to leave at ages 16 and 15.

I then became a full time step mum (still despising my sf) and over time when I realised just how difficult it is to bring up kids that aren't your own I did come to some realisations. Some of these made me feel pretty low might I say.

My first sm (not married though) was pretty good but once she realised what dad was like she was gone. The second one was truly awful but I only saw her a few times over the 9 or so years they were together. The lady dad is with now seems quite nice, she has calmed my dad down heaps and he is ok to be around now.

I think being a stepkid myself gave me a couple of insights into being a sm BUT every family dynamic is different and I would never say to myself "I've got it, I know what I'm doing here" IYKWIM.

[Star]

Originally Posted by AnotherDay

A question in general: WHAT MAKES A STEPMOTHER AWFUL / WICKED?

Five years of physical, mental and emotional abuse.

[TP]

I didn't become a stepchild until a few years ago.

I love my stepmum, I think she's awesome for my dad. I just wish she didn't have to live so darn far away.

[roxan]

Me... But my dad died and mum raised us singly until be left home.

So ive only had a step father since i was 22.