A Stepmothers Guilt

[Nelle]

(Mods not sure this is the right place so please move if its not)

Since my blowout with BM nearly 3 weeks ago we haven't seen the skids. We've had one phone call from SD14 about her wagging school but thats it. BM normally call minimum once a day. We haven't heard boo! Now I have to admit I love it. We are almost like a newly married couple with NO KIDS. Yes I miss the kids but I can't help but notice much LESS stressed DH is and how much FUN he's been in the last week. I think he misses the kids too but is loving the lack of bull crud from BM. I don't want them to come back cause I know it means dealing with BM BUT then I feel guilty cause I don't want them there. I am a little shocked that she is actually keeping her word and I'm not really sure what to do about it. DH seems fairly comfortable letting her dig her own grave but I feel like I should be pushing him to contact her or at least the skids (mostly because of other peoples perception). He keeps telling me its probably the best for them even though its not the best for him. I'm trying to take the back seat and let him make the decsions about this. Its HARD though. I don't want to be the reason he doesn't see his kids. I'm pretty sure she was just looking for a way to make this happen and my actions were just the excuse she is using to do that. I don't want the skids to contact DH later and hate me cause I'm the reason they didn't see DH. Most of all I feel guilty cause deep down if I'm really really honest I don't want them to come back until they're adults and can see us without any input from BM. Plus it might give us some time to just be us instead of being a SF.

God I'm a horrible person. Does this make sense? Do any of you feel like this??

[Katie]

Most of all I feel guilty cause deep down if I'm really really honest I don't want them to come back until they're adults and can see us without any input from BM. Plus it might give us some time to just be us instead of being a SF.

God I'm a horrible person. Does this make sense? Do any of you feel like this??

you're not a horrible person Nelle, or if you are, i am too because those thoughts have crossed my mind before. i think its called being human

[MARIEB]

I feel exactly like that nelle, we have had 5 months of no SD and it has been wonderful, except for all the fallout she caused with living with her feral psycho aunty. She is now back with her mother and contact will resume again and im dreading it

[Belle]

As far as I can tell feeling this sort of guilt comes with being a step-mum. As much as I love them I have sometimes wished my SDs were no longer around...mainly because it would mean DP and I no longer had to have BM in our life...ahh what bliss that would be!!

[selfish]

I don't want the skids to contact DH later and hate me cause I'm the reason they didn't see DH.

Um, the BM restricts the kids contact with your partner because she has a personal issue with you and you are reading it as your fault? Um how? Are you paying her to do that? I totally understand if you are, but this is really her choice, not yours.

[TEDDY]

God I'm a horrible person. Does this make sense? Do any of you feel like this??

1. No you are not a horrible person Nelle, otherwise you wouldnt have posted this thread, so to me that make you the opposite. Plus your human sweetheart, stop bashing yourself with that damn tuna ok

2. Yes mate, your thread makes sense, well Only to other SM's

3. I do sometimes when SD doesnt come over to see DH or she asks to go home after 3 hours cause she is bored. I dont do a song and dance when she goes, however I feel a sense of relief and I can relax again as, its very tense for me with her, I believe its because SD feels out of place too. But I also feel guilty because SD was once happy to be in our house when I amused her 24/7, now I have disengaged and left her and her father to their own devices, they are like lost souls without me now

Ive learnt its not up to me to make sure my DH has a relationship with HIS daughter, Im not his keeper and he isnt a helpless 5 year old, if he wants it badly enough, he is the only one to make it happen. Its all out of my control. Im not a relationship facilitator, I dumped that monkey a year ago

[Snow White]

Jabba's trying this...through PAS...to get SD to say she doesn't WANT to come...but it's not working...I'm OK either way...if she comes, she comes...if not meh

[knottygirl]

I feel sometimes it would be easier if dh didnt see the skids too, and we had none of that bs to put up with.

[kate81]

Nelle, if you're a horrible person, then I must be too... I'd feel exactly the same way you do. Some days I wish to never see the twins again or that they never existed in the first place... If ONLY my BM would make a threat to withhold contact and actually follow through with it!!! They drive her crazy so any time away from them she can get, she'll take. Now I sound horrible... this SF thing is a joke.

[meek72]

Yep I'm putting my hand up as a horrible person to then (if you are then I am) I love the school hols when we get a few weekends in a row with no skids.... and have thought how much easier / nicer / less crap filled life would be not having to be a SM.