Step kids and birth Children!

[farmersnewwife]

I have been a SM for nearly 7years now, and now have 2 gorgeous children of my own.

What I want to know is, how did your Step kids react or change when your own children came along??

My SS is an amazing young man, and does very well with my 2 kids, he is a typical brother, and they fight and tease and all those other sibling things, but he loves being their big brother and teaching them new things etc.
SD has always taken on a very motherly roll with both BS & BD, loved to read stories to BD when she went to bed, always wanted to put BS to his cot, and change his nappy or get him dressed.

BD is 4 and BS is 1, and recently SD has changed with them both. She is OVER affectionate with BD, and very bossy with her. and BS just seems to be in the way.

I love my SK's as much as my BK's, but if they can not get along I dont know how I will cope..

Love advise or thoughts from other SM's!

[TP]

Hi and welcome Farmers Wife

I"m not a SM sorry, so can't give much advice, but I'm sure the other SM's on here will have loads of advice and support for you!

[Mix]

You don't say how old your SD is... that will have a lot of bearing over how she is relating with the siblings, and why she's changed in the way she relates with them.

Knowing her age will be key here and I might be able to provide more insight.

[farmersnewwife]

opps i said her age in another thread and forgot to here sorry.
She is 9.
thanks everyone!

[carousel]

when BD was born, my SD13 fell in love with her and it changed nothing about the way she is. at first SS8 was worried he wouldn't be DH's "number one favourite" anymore and even asked DH, "am i still your favourite kid?" (to which of course DH replied no, he loves all his kids equally). SS8 became very clingy to DH and emotional for a while, insecurity i'm guessing. although he is a clingy kid by nature, he's not as clingy now as he was when BD was first born. but he loves BD and is very nice to her. BM's toddler however is another story. SD13 loves BM's 3 year old but SS8 hates her with a passion, which is sad because BM's 3 year old loves SS to bits. she will say "i love you" and he will say "i hate you" back. he pushes her over and treats her quite badly at BM's house. SF (who is the 3 year olds BF) resents SS8 for the way he treats his 3 year old and as a result SS and SF don't get along at all. one time SS8 pushed the toddler over and shouted at her, so SF did the same thing back to SS8. apparently SS8 screamed hysterically and made this huge song and dance about SF "hitting" him. apparently BM was furious with SF for this (BM and DH both think that SS8 should be given special treatment because he's so overly sensitive and insecure). so yeah, let's just say SS8 hates BM's kid and as far as i can tell, really likes my BD. i think he just hates BM's toddler because she always goes into his room and takes his things, etc, whereas i don't allow BD to take thing that belongs to the skids because i want to teach her respect for other people's property. i suspect that the reason SS8 is so awful to BM's toddler is because she allows him to get away with it. whereas at our house, if he ever dared lay a finger on BD i would let him have it. he knows he couldn't get away with it here, so he doesn't try.

[tex1]

I'm worried about this to - especially if it meant the skids would have to share a room again. They have always loved my dear 2.5yr old nephew though. SD6 loves him but is the first to push him away when my niece 6yo is around. Nephew2 is clingy to SS10 - and SS10 will only allow Nephew 2yo into his room... SS10 lets nephew get away with anything - it is cute. It helps that my nephew says 'I lub SS10' a lot and when he sleeps over he says 'I want SS10 huggy'. SS10 melts everytime! I love it!

bm's poisoning will definitely impact on our happy home. That's what I am dreading. We've already had 'Dad won't need us when he has kids with you' and 'bm said there'll be no money left over for us when a baby comes' and 'The baby will never be our brother/sister unless BF and bm have sex again' (YES - their EXACT WORDS when the skids were 5-9yo).

[lp1]

I think that is a typical age thing.
9 year old are testing their limits, getting more responsibility, and feeling so grown up.
If you give her some praise about the things she is doing right, and then just an "I know you are trying to help, but please leave the parenting to me", then you may get to her pull back a bit.
My SD is 9, and she is bossy here sometimes, even without siblings.

[virgill]

Well BM taught her kids to call our newborn son a bastard (we are not married), and I have disconnected with them ever since.

Sorry - no hope from this side. All I can say is treat them all equally (1 set of rules for both sets of kids) - that really all you can do.

[over-it-09]

Originally Posted by virgill

Well BM taught her kids to call our newborn son a bastard (we are not married), and I have disconnected with them ever since.

That is disgusting why do people have to stoop to these levels?

[Mix]

Originally Posted by lp1

I think that is a typical age thing.
9 year old are testing their limits, getting more responsibility, and feeling so grown up.
If you give her some praise about the things she is doing right, and then just an "I know you are trying to help, but please leave the parenting to me", then you may get to her pull back a bit.
My SD is 9, and she is bossy here sometimes, even without siblings.

I do too... at 9 they can swing from kids to 'mini adults' in no time. The 1 yr old will probably confuse her a bit as she might find it hard to control the behaviour (anticipate the next thing). Help her identify with the cues, so she can cope maybe?

With the older one, being bossy is normal for the age group. Let her know that she is to be kind and patient, and not to boss her, as you're the mum. I had to remind my skids quite a bit.