Do you as a step parent ever step in?

[Stacky68]

BM and I once had a face to face discussion. BM wasn't happy with arrangements we had made - BM's parents provided after school care for us, which always irked her, but she'd just found out that her BF had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. We knew about 6 months before BM did, which BM didn't know (and still doesn't know as far as I'm aware).

Why I was in the position of it being just her and me was that xH was in hospital so I was picking up the skids by myself. I had rung BM earlier that day and let her know he was in hospital but at that stage we were expecting him to be released that afternoon and so I was checking that she was ok with me picking the skids up as per the usual arrangements. When I got there we had had an update and they were keeping xH in overnight (and maybe longer) so I asked if she was still happy with me having them, which she was, and I was grateful to her for being so accommodating as I know that she didn't have to be. From there we got into our converstation about her parents.

BM's parents provided afters care prior to BM's marriage failing, BM quit work and didn't need the care herself, but the GP's were happy to do it for xH. BM didn't have a great relationship with her parents and would threaten to withhold the kids from them, so the GPs and xH (and I) all saw our arrangement as a win-win. BM's parents were always great with me - they didn't get involved in the squabbles, they were just interested in the kids. So anyway, BM found out that her BF was dying and kicked up a stink about the kids being there. The GPs and I had discussed it (as I was in a position to change my work hours to look after the skids) and the GPs wanted to spend the time with the kids, especially during this time. YSS was in preschool at the time and that meant that he spent 1 full day a week in their care. I listened to BM and acknowledged her concerns but stated that the arrangements were made "with respect" to her parent's wishes and I was not going to go them, but I would monitor how the kids and the GPs were coping and make adjustments accordingly - which I did. I ended up changing my work hours and taking on the after-school care, but the compromise was that I would go to the GPs house so they could see the kids and we'd work with what that day's situation was as to how long we'd stay - I also took of YSS free day and I spent the day with him. BM was happy, skids were happy, GPs were happy, I was happy (I don't know that xH knows how to be happy - lol).

I feel (and now know) that BM had respect for me, and I believe I always showed her respect.

[MayLea]

Karzii I think you are very wise avoiding her if you are feeling this way at the moment.

My DH stands up to BM a bit more these days but the way she has treated him before I met him and after I met him is simplying disgusting.

She is a volcano full of seething anger, bitterness, resentment and every so often she errupts, spewing molten nasty on anyone within distance.

I personally would love to go and tell the exactly what I think of her ands tell her if she upsets him one more time.......

However, common sense tells me that you can't talk sense to stupid, and doing anything like this would just give her ammo to alienate the children more from DH, and for the first time ever, give her something horrible to say to the skids about me.

So...my DH keeps contact to bare minimum through email and I completely avoid her so I'm not tempted to say something I might regret later. May I say how frustrating that is though because if anyone else treated my DH like that(he is just the sweetest person ever) they'd be in a serious amount of thats for sure. It's annoying to let her get away with it but I truly believe it would not benefit the skids so I won't do it.